A Learning Journey

Nobody said it was easy, but nobody said you should give up easily.
Coming to a 5 month tomorrow, I would say it again, I never wanted to give up.
Like a stubborn old ox, I stuck to my old ways often. I disregard your feelings and just wanted to say mine. I insisted on my own way of handling issues, with a hot headed head and mouth.
I say things that I mean without filtering the needles and pins. Although I still think I'm not exactly wrong to voice my opinion, I reflected and agree I should learn more to compromise, to let go, to give in, to give way -- TO LOVE.

By being cautious of my heart, sometimes too cautious, and fearful, I'm only letting the fear of loving and getting hurt overtake and overwhelm me. It is taking control of my heart and may even have manipulated my actions. I don't want to hold back my love for you back and forth. I want to get out of this cycle of turmoil for us. And for our beautiful future. I admit I fear that if at any point I love you more than you do, you will love me only lesser the next day. I was being selfish and prideful and just living in fear. This is not going to make things work for us because it's only driving us apart. The moment one party is unwilling to do more, regardless the reason, the wedge is driven. I don't want to start a fight over trival things and words between us anymore. I want to learn to be more accepting of you and myself. I want to achieve this level of love between us that nothing can bring apart.

Love is being redefined. Every time we fall, we learn something about each other. We learn how to love better. We see clearer. We understand why we love in the first place. I hope this lesson is well learnt for us both. As I seek to improve myself and humble myself more, I hope you are doing the same. In this tough journey you are on right now, with fatigue and stress and even frustrations, I hope it moulds me to be a better person and girl to you. I hope to be your support to tolerate whatever happens. And I hope in future when things get better for you, you'll still not stop doting on me like you once promised. < 3

XOXO
A trying girl

hungry@ 10:40 am