i need to let go.
it's so clear, God's telling me this.
but how?
i've tried so many times to have joy in myself, faith in God,
but everytime i'm close to succeed,
i'll fall right to the ground, straight and flat,
by bad circumstances that affect me.
just like this time, i promised myself&God to stand up,
because i know my results will suck.
for the first hit, i succeeded.
but subsequently, i was still defeated, by results.

it's not just about results.
there's still so many past problems
that are unresolved that i need to let go.
i need to find answers to it and let go.
even if i can't find the answers, i still have to let go.
because if not, i would never succeed in leading a happy life.
leading a life that God wants me to lead.

every single time i fall, i said " i need more time. "
but if i continue saying this everytime i fall,
there'll be no end to it, because it'll soon become an excuse.
an excuse for me to not let go of the past.

so God, please help me.
i only know this now.
as to how to let go, i still don't know how and what to do yet.
Lord, lead me please...
i don't want to break my promise to you once and again.
i know it hurts you more than it hurts me.
if i'm very very hurt, you're definitely more hurt than i am .
THANK YOU LORD.

but although i say this,
to be honest, i'm still reluctant.
be it from my family, friends or even church.
i just have this rejection feeling within me, to reject people.
ya, so how? i seriously don't know how.

hungry@ 4:56 pm